The Art of Dating – The Old Ball and Chain

Have you ever noticed your relationship is only interesting to other people until you get married? Once you finalize your commitment no one cares, they are bored now. Well, maybe there’s a little interest in how the honeymoon was but those people have no lives and are choosing to live through yours.

It’s only intense when people have something to talk about. Its news if you hook up, its news if you break up. No one cares about the middle part unless they are your marriage counselors, and even then, I don’t think they really care about your problems. They are just trying to put food on their tables and you keep them employed. Over all, it’s best if you keep others out of your business, save a few here and there for venting and asking of advice. Speaking of marriage counselors, yes there is only one more step and that’s marriage.

My friend got married a week ago. It was my first wedding as a bridesmaid. I learned a lot like, get the memo on what kind of foot apparel will be worn and when is the rehearsal dinner so you don’t schedule to have your hair done during the same time. And, don’t do anything drastic the day of the wedding, like use self-applied tanner (that didn’t work out well for me).

It was my first time catching the bouquet so you know what that means? I’m still going to be single this time next year. I learned a lot from being in a wedding. Like: People’s feelings get hurt if they aren’t picked as a bridesmaid or groomsman, everyone has a say on how to initiate the bride or groom into the idea of not being a virgin; then as if that’s not bad enough, you hear about how the honeymoon is going. Yeah, that’s sick. Keep it to yourself.

I also learned people who see me on a daily basis, don’t recognize me all dressed up. And now you know why my self-esteem is so high. The good news from the evening was I finally got to feel what it feels like to be the first in line for the buffet. In dealing with self-esteem, I find it helpful to eat away my feelings.

If you’re thinking of getting married keep a few things in mind:

  1. If they cheat on their taxes they probably cheat on other things too.
  2. No one is perfect, that’s why love is blind.
  3. Dating the bridesmaids or groomsman before the wedding is unacceptable for some reason.
  4. After the wedding you’re stuck with someone who won’t be as hot in 40 years. You better love them for their personality because one day you won’t have the energy to do anything but hold one another.

The Good
They say couples in love have lower cholesterol than people who are single. Yet another reason I should be in love. My family suffers from high cholesterol. What? This was the best example I could come up with.

The Bad
You will have fights with your spouse. Couples don’t break up because their fighting is causing a problem in their relationship, but rather because bitterness in their relationship is causing fights. Now re-read the last sentence slowly because you probably missed how simple it was.

The Ugly
Women without make-up are totally different people. In fact try not to stare the first time you see her without eyes. They sort of disappear right before bed. If you have been there for that person when they have been sick (when most of us are at our worst) and you still like them afterwards, you’ll like them through the ugly days too. Things totally get ugly as you age but if you can love past the ugly and right into the heart of that person, you found the right person.

Maybe one day I’ll write a marriage series. After all, I can write about dating and not go on a date so I could probably write about marriage without actually marrying someone. “Will wonders never cease?” Not in my brain, I wonder all the time. Now go forth and pro-create as God commands but wait till your married because Jesus likes it better that way.

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