Speaking of earnings, we haven’t discussed cash flow yet. Up until now, there has been a small amount of monetary value associated with the relationship. It’s hard enough to meet the parents but even more scary to think of actually spending money on this person. I mean, what if you break up? There are no refunds here.

What is their retail value? Are they worth flowers, chocolates, or the second season of The Office? It’s hard to tell when buying gifts how much retail value you’d like to put on this person and don’t pretend like you don’t do it, because we all do it. I’ll admit I spend more money on my parents then my brother at Christmas, but in my defense, they did let me live with them until I was 23, and I just plain like them better. Hopefully my brother doesn’t ever read my stuff.

So it’s their birthday and you want to find the perfect gift but have no idea what to get. It’s simple: Everyone likes gifts. Everyone wants to know they are cared about even if their gift makes you feel old and depressed.

I think the single people out there can agree the holidays are suck-tastic for you. Valentine’s Day reminds you that you’re alone and have been since 2002. Birthday’s remind you that you’re parents might be the only ones to love you in this life. Christmas makes you wish you had someone at the family gatherings so you’d stop being asked, “When are you going to start dating and get married?” At that point you take the rum away from grandma and go find somewhere to sulk in your pecan pie. Don’t make the mistake of trying to fill that need by finding someone for the moment. The holidays will be over in less than two months and you’ll realize your emotions have tapered off again. Besides, no one needs to spend money on a “temporary emotional fix” over the holidays. You’ll regret it trust me.

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